Happy trans day of visibility!
Before I came out, I spent a lot of time feeling alone and afraid and monstrous because of my gender. I still struggle with lingering fears from that time.
Since going on T, I’ve felt a lot more like myself, and it’s been terrifying!
For the majority of my life so far, my gender was my most closely-guarded secret. To be open about who I am puts me in a vulnerable position that I’m very much still adjusting to.
I was fully convinced, for a long time, that noone would recognise me as myself. that they would hate me, for being a stranger to them. it’s a specific and difficult type of fear to explain.
I don’t know how to properly articulate how much transmasculine visibility would’ve meant to me then.
All I had at the time were my daydreams, and even those would often turn sour.
I’m doing a lot better now, though I’m still working through some baggage. In part, that’s thanks to proud and visible trans men/transmasculine folks.
They showed me that I can be trans and happy. I didn’t know that was a possiblility for me, for the longest time.